Me to HG ” People really need to lock their vehicles!”
HG “what? was there a break in?”
Me “yeah, by me…”
Having decided to just walk away out of fear for the remainder of the story, he finally returned to the kitchen
HG “um, okay, I give, what happened?”
Me “honestly, it isn’t my fault, its more your fault”
Me “I was tired and I thought I had unlocked the Jeep and it was unlocked and it wasn’t mine and I had already opened the tailgate…”
HG “you don’t recognize your own Jeep?”
Me “did you know that no 2 Zebras have the same stripes? My Jeep needs stripes maybe…”
HG “no, you just need to pay attention”
Me “you are just mad its your fault”
Me “I was really tired and you let me go to the store by myself and I got distracted”
HG “I just can’t even…did you at least close their tailgate?”
Me “I think so”
HG “I am going to bed”
Me “JEEPS SHOULD HAVE STRIPES MR JUDGEY!!!!!!!”
This is a public service announcement to lock your Jeeps ya’ll. YOU.ARE.WELCOME.
So, this girl who HATES change, decided to move across the entire country…to a state, though very beautiful and awesome, mine as well be Mars for this Midwest girl.
It happened basically like this:
HG: I love Arizona, do you love Arizona?
HG:If I got a job there would you move?
Boo:Yeah, that could be an adventure
30 seconds later….
HG I got a job, I have to be there in a month…
Let the adventure begin y’all! Its a combination of exciting and sad and amazing and I want to throw up. Totally normal right?
There was that one time that I told HG I would write 31 days about him…that was roughly 8ish months ago…he is taking it personally that I he never got the rest of his prop days. For someone who never reads what I write, this is funny. He will say that me not writing them was probably a passive aggressive way to drive him crazy…I say me turning up my IPad and not hearing him is passive aggressive, not writing was just me being busy,lazy and moving cross country but that’s another post.
So my gentle readers I bring you 13-31…
13/14 and 15. He loves my Step Daughters. It cannot be easy trying to understand the dynamics of my very modern family, but he jumped in with both feet and has never looked back. He has taken them in and has embraced them.
- He doesn’t flinch anymore when I am walking towards him and he hears “Does this look funny/smell funny/look like its poison to you?”
- He is the most loyal friend on the planet
- He admitted that he had a furry bearskin blanket on his bed in his “uber funky” red and black bedroom as a teen #70skid
- He went to Comicon and was totally geeking out even if he didn’t admit it
- He is always welcoming to any guest in our home
- He wants to feed anyone who comes over
- He didn’t kill me when I drank his expensive wine while eating Mac N Cheese
- He laughs at his own jokes
- He tells really good jokes
- He loves his daughters more than they can imagine
- He is my best friend
- He knows that going to Barnes and Noble is at least an hour and a half
- He doesn’t mock my fear of food delivery people
- That one time I started a grease fire…
- He calls my siblings, his siblings
- He is my Lobster, my thunder buddy, the Richard to my Elise
This is my public apology to the HG, because he really is pretty spectacular.
Thing 1,245 HG told me I am not allowed to do, but I will do anyway.
Conversation between me and HG that I refer to as “The day he tried to hijack my blog”
“I read your blog, you can’t “bundle” my awesomeness
“key words “your blog” I can do whatever I want Sir!
“Say something about what a great cook…”
“Pretty sure I can write whatever I want”
“Why are you so against me?”
” You never even used to read my blog!!!”
“Yeah, but now when you get angry with me, I can show you written proof how fantastic I really am” “31 Days of HG is Awesome!” BAM!
Boo’s note: HG was totally trying to read this as I was typing it.
If for some horrible reason you are incapacitated and someone had access to your recent music playlist, what would it say about you? Whenever anyone sits in my passenger seat they always get the same (2) reminders:
- Driver picks the music
- Passenger shuts their cake hole
*Shout out to Sam and Dean*
The HG made mention of my “randomness” in music and then I called him out on his “Smooth Jazz” ridiculousness, which then escalated to “How do you not love Dr. Dre?” to “How do you go from Rap to Country to Alternative?” which lead to “I AM DIVERGENT!!!!!!! ” Which was a gateway statement to “OMG do not TOUCH my radio” which then lead to HG being all up in the radio because he could…
What does your most recent say about you? Are you a Divergent? Only one genre of music?
Remember a few days ago and I was all “WWDJD” and my friend was all “who cares and shut your face”. Okay, she didn’t say quite like that, but every time I mentioned him, I had to pay a dollar. So, I made a bet that I could get “WWDJD” to trend, but of course he would respond to that on Twitter AND I would get my money back…
She gave me that “Sure it will happen” face
WTF Don! No trending, and now I owe even more money to the friend who shall not be named.
This one gets three because it’s a big one, and it deserves three.
So, here is 10, 11 & 12.
HG is not a cat person. When we moved into together, I brought with me one of my furry kids, a cat by the name of Salem Massachusetts.
Salem loved HG and HG eventually loved him. HG started calling him “Chairman Meow” because apparently he was a furry dictator who MADE HG love him and pet him.
Every Halloween he would try to coax him with catnip to lay in the front window and the “Halloween Panther”.
When, all too soon, Salem became ill HG laid with me on the bed with Salem between us for an entire evening when we knew what the next morning was going to bring. The guy who hates cats, stayed up all night with us and not once did he say the terrible words of “we are going to have to put him down”. When HG left for work all he said was ” I will be home tonight, and told Salem to hang in there. The plan was to go together.
Unfortunately and horribly Salem couldn’t wait and he and I had to go to the vet alone. When I called HG direct at work, he didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Then eventually, “I loved that damn cat”…
HG will not be that happy with this post, but I like to think its Salem approved. He would want the world to know he transformed the dog only guy into a feline guy, even if it was just for a few short years.
There are absolutely at a minimum 31 awesome things about the HG, but things get busy so there may be a few “bundles”
So, 7,8, and 9:
7) We have a ridiculous amount of personal jokes.
8) He brings me Taco Bell to cheer me up
9) He wasn’t even surprised when I bailed on him during a “Zombie” drill
Sometimes your tribe is there for you, and sometimes..they just shake their head and tell you to go lay down.
Gentle readers, who was your childhood crush? That first person you saw on TV and knew right then you were going to marry them and live happily ever after? For me, (no judging) it was Don Johnson. *insert young me daydreaming of living in Miami on our boat with our pet gator Elvis*
Apparently I am the only person that I currently know who still feels this way. Now that the new show “Blood and Oil” is out, I am more excited than I was when I got my Miami Vice poster. However, because I keep talking about it, and Don, Don Johnson, and answering every question with WWDJD, there is now a jar that I must put a dollar in every-time I mention him. I don’t find this fair. Its Donism! #WWDJD people!!!!! I cannot be the only one! The style! The grace! The ability to wear pastels and deck shoes!
I am running on 3 hours of sleep and apparently need more ones…