Occasionaly, I like to review the older stuff I have written, esp when it was during a rough patch. It’s nice to remember how far I have walked…
”Look for God, look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water” EPL
How the hell did I get here, Day Uno.
Aquiring independence is not cheap, nor is it for the faint of heart. I feel like Jacob Marley with the chains of my sins wrapped around my legs and a mile stretch of baggage that I have to carry. Realizing that I am for all intents and purposes the the captain of my ship, I also need to realize that there are turbulant, stormy waters that I have purposley sailed into. “Do Not Enter” ,”Warning, Stay Back!!!!!”, “Enter at your Own Risk”….how many of these signs have I just waved at as I passed by? My first step, I guess, should be that whole “looking at myself” thing…I must admit that scares me more than Oprah (admit it, you are scared of her too). Introspection; BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM. It is a nessecity and these chains and luggage have become heavy and bothersome and are keeping me from catching up to my true happiness. Ahhhhh, but which suitcase to unpack first? Which Skeleton to dance with and bid farewell? Which chain to bend back? I feel like I am at the threshold of maze, where anything possible is right around the corner waiting to jump out at me and yell “gotcha!”. Or, better yet, it is snowing, I am at a hotel in Sidewinder and Jack Nicholsen is chasing me thru said maze with his axe screaming that he doesn’t want to hurt me.
I fully understand that some of the items in my bag’s will not be horrific But there are things I have not wanted to look at or think about., like my Grandparents. They were my everything. I don’t relive or think about my time with them because it is painful. But those memories too, will be part of my independence. Unpacking and putting things in their proper place.
“Are you there God? It’s me, Becky, do you a few moments?”